Bumper Sticker Poem

The backs of cars you're annotating

With slogans very irritating.

With your bumper, communicating

Stupid phrases that I'm hating.

Don't care about your stupid dog,

Don't care about your Harley Hog.

Don't care 'bout honor student's behavior,

Or who's your personal Lord and Savior.

I don't care if you joined PETA,

Or if you're a deer-hunting meat-eater.

A family line-up is unnecessary.

Don't really care if you're a fairy.

Your church, your lodge, where you stay fit,

Frankly, I don't give a shit.

Penn State, 'Bama, Notre Dame,

Calm down, dude, it's just a game.

I don't care for whom you voted.

"Shit happens?" Yeah, already noted.

NASCAR on your car enshrined?

Methinks you IQ's way behind.

Awareness rainbow proudly showing,

But it's your own horn you're blowing.

Maybe there's some point I'm missin'

with that kid that's always pissin'.

I won't "Cowboy Up," won't "Coexist,"

Won't "Git-R-Done," I'm getting pissed.

Don't tell me to "Arrive Alive."

Don't tell me to "Hang Up And Drive."

"Bad Boy Club?" You must be joking.

Your license they ought to be revoking.

Gang-sign stickers and grenade decals?

Nobody's impressed but your loser pals.

Claim to be a "Princess" or a "Bitch?"

You should drive a broom, pretentious witch.

"Real Trucks Rattle" with Cummins diesel?

Compensating for a little weasel?

Team Jake or Edward? Do me a favor:

Steer your car underneath a paver.

Going Green and saving whales?

I hope your transmission fails.

Jesus fish or Darwin's critter,

Folks like you just make me bitter.

Your Alma Mater, your "vay-cay" spot?

Tolerate you, I cannot.

"Feel Your Boobies" all you want,

To me, you're driving's an affront.

On your window, "Rest In Peace?"

Great place to honor late Aunt Bernice.

Gun-Rights dude is packing heat,

God's copilot's changing seats.

A "Jeep Thing" I wouldn't understand?

From driving you should be banned.

"Wag more, Bark less" and "Mean people suck,"

Screw your "Random acts," you schmuck.

"Soccer Mom's Taxi" with "Baby on board."

For cheesiness, that must be a record.

Don't care 'bout your "other car,"

Don't care 'bout your favorite bar.

Don't care 'bout what you "heart,"

Don't care 'bout Dale Earnhardt.

Stupid stickers everywhere,

"If you can read this," I don't care.

With me, I'm sure some will bicker, but

HONK IF YOU HATE BUMPER STICKERS!